So Let’s Talk

Alright. In honor of Bell’s #LetsTalk campaign… Let’s talk about mental health and illness.

A friend turned foe of mine used to introduce himself and ask what your disability was after he did something stupid.  Well… I’m The Jaded Gamer and depending on the day I may or may not have crippling anxiety or depression.  WAIT WAIT! This isn’t another standard “stay strong” or even a “woe is me” type postings.

Let’s get one thing clear… I have A.D.D.  On a full stomach and a pot of coffee I become hyperactive.  I don’t ACTUALLY have ADHD. I’m bending the truth a little in my videos but the A.D.D is a reality.  I have channeled it over the years to focus the energy into something productive.  I do tend to put too much on my plate but it is better to have more to do than nothing to do at all.  I had a silly idea to try and capture the essence of what I’m like playing GTA Online during an internet outage. This was the end result.

The cover.

The cover.

This was the result.  It got a nice amount of attention and I did two more.  Now I’m working on an epic conclusion.  In the middle of working on The Jaded Gamer Show, I had this idea to poll the universe

I gave birth to a web series.  It’s been slow going getting hits, but whatever, it is what it is.  I’m terrible at promoting stuff and content cycles through this site by people who clearly prefer to read.  So I focus on reading material.

My point is this.  Nothing makes me satisfied. I’m not working hard enough for my liking.  This website gets more and more traffic as days go on and I’m thankful but I’m not satisfied.  I use it as motivation to keep producing more but even at my peak I’m never satisfied.  Then I start to hate the work I do produce. Then I hate my ideas.  Then I hate myself.  Then I hate the world.  Then I stay in bed … because fuck the world. Then I produce nothing for the day and YMB took a huge loss in traffic. I hate myself even more. I look for something to do but nothing seems satisfying. I do nothing.  Sooner or later I realise this is not me.  I am not myself.

I do something and I’ve been doing something about this anxiety and depression for a while.

wpid-fb_img_1418258400939.jpg

I didn’t have to give myself up to a higher power, it is not a twelve step program. At the end the the day, it is therapy.  I got help.

They say that people with mental illnesses are not crazy but that they are sick.  Well, you have to be getting treatment.  If you’re walking around untreated, you can’t expect anybody to take any pity on you.  You’re denying treatment.  Take initiative. Sooner or later the illness will probably become some sort of disease.

It’s great to take to social media to discuss these things but it is only my hope that those afflicted get or got the help they needed and are able to control it. Honestly, when it comes to depression and anxiety, the one thought that gets me through it is that life has been worse for me.  As long as I’m not back in that same space as days gone by, I’m doing better than I was. Life could be worse. That’s my goto place.

Depression and anxiety are no picnics but I don’t expect anybody to have compassion unless I’m being productive.  I don’t dwell on it because the point is to get through it.  I picture a reader saying “Yeah, that sucks but you can’t let it control you.” The answer to that is very nuanced and complicated but essentially a simplified version of my argument is actually … essentially … “It sucks but I don’t let it control me.”

It can be mastered.  I had one too many breakdowns and then a moment of levity that it can only get worse if I let it. And it became comical that everything that had led me to rock bottom was kinda my fault.  I got myself back up and turned my life around all by myself. It all starts with getting help.

You’ll be able to handle anxiety attacks and kick depression in the junk before it even sets in.  Do not be comforted by the darkness because it is not your friend.

Good Luck with your disabilities.

P.S. For my international audience… That amazing creature in the feature image is Clara Hughes. One of the finest athletes producedperiod… End of discussion.

The Jaded Gamer
Twitter: @iamfn2k
Facebook: The Jaded Gamer

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