Wow. I don’t know where to start. I got a lot to get off my chest so maybe you’d want to skip to the end to see my point.
First off thank you to everybody for your comments and kind words of encouragement. I may not be very popular (yet) but the support has kept me from fading away.
I’m not gonna lie and say life has been hard but it has not been very easy. Juggling life, gaming, the show and a podcast is overwhelming especially because a lot of the responsibility for putting the content out is mine. So if I forget or don’t have the time then everything falls apart.
The worst part about this process is that I’m supposed to have a staff of people behind me and I don’t. I took on all this responsibility because I did have a team behind me. You may have seen me reference them. We’re called FN2K. There are two divisions of it. The one I run sucks. They don’t have the ambition, heart, drive or stamina I do to triumph. All but one have copped out, betrayed my trust or made an endless amount of excuses of which I no longer have time for. This is not a jab at any of them. It’s just the fact of life. My crew routinely lets me down or doesn’t listen. Anything coming out of FN2K now more than ever is all if not mostly my doing.
The Jaded Gamer’s show WAS NOT supposed to be just my floating head babbling. It was supposed to be me and FN2K causing a ruckus in gaming. Silly me thought that after my first two episodes were received with appreciation from the gaming community that these other members would love to be a part of it. Nope. We don’t even play games together and that is what FN2K is supposed to be about.
So . . Here I am repping a crew of gamers WHO DON’T PLAY GAMES. I’m so lame dude. Ever since episode 2 I’ve been scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas purely to keep my crew on the map. And for what? They don’t watch my show, hear my podcast. In fact the people who promote my show (shout out to Rondell Exclusive) regularly, don’t have a stake in FN2K.
Anyways, I digress. I’m just mad. Mad because my passion takes time. Time I can’t have to myself. I clear days off my schedule to get things done but every single fucking time I do, my girlfriend hijacks a huge chunk of it. I booked a week off in the summer purely to work on projects and every day I was interrupted. I’m not picking on her just illustrating how difficult it’s been to do anything recently. All the while I put everything else first which I admit I shouldn’t have done. So when I’m not dealing with slackers or complaints or people who constantly want attention and gold stars for doing their job, all I’ve been doing is turning off the world and playing video games.
Normally it is not an escape for me. But vegging out in the living room playing Dead Island or isolating myself in the back playing Minecraft is me taking time away from everything that has been getting under my skin. In a sense I’m taking back time that has been taken from me.
But my work and life has been suffering because I’ve been feeling sorry for myself recently. It took me far too long to get out of this funk but seeing as nobody wants to help me up, it’s up to me yet again to pull myself to my feet. Now it’s different. In the coming days I’m going to attempt to hitch my wagon to a locomotive that is gaining stream instead of losing it. I don’t want to jynx it or leak details yet but this power move might be the smartest decision I made recently. So wish me luck.
Street Prophet aka The Jaded Gamer
Follow me on twitter @IamFN2K